Five Common Consequences and Signs of Social Anxiety and How CBT Can Help!
CBT for Social Anxiety
When I first went to graduate school for psychology, I didn’t appreciate how much public speaking would be involved in the profession. Growing up, I wasn’t overly shy by any means. In fact, I might have been the class clown at points in high school. But, there was something about presenting at professional conferences and doing group therapy that intimidated me. And it didn’t help that I managed to get into my “reach” program and was, for the first time in my life, surrounded by classmates who went to impressive Ivy League schools and the like. Suddenly I became a lot more self-conscious and even anxious in some social situations.
I can remember my first ever conference presentation, standing at a podium with my PowerPoint slides ready, having just about memorized what I was going to say verbatim. As one hundred sets of eyes fixed upon me with the expectation that I was about to use fancy words and sound smart, I became quite anxious. I recall being able to feel each time my heartbeat without having a hand on my chest. And if I’m being honest, I had been nervous about my presentation for multiple days leading up to it, losing some sleep in the process. Thankfully, I managed to get through the presentation alright. Still, I didn’t want to have to deal with such intense and disruptive anxiety every time I needed to speak publicly. I envied those who seemed relaxed enough to approach a presentation with minimal preparation, mostly speaking “off the cuff.”
Eventually, I decided that I was going to work to overcome my social anxiety. If you look at my resume between 2007-09, you’ll see presentation after presentation. I may have actually done more group than individual therapy in Ohio during those years. And sure enough, it got a lot easier. Dare I say, I actually now enjoy public speaking. There’s something great about getting a room of people to laugh at the same time. Of course, I never would have gotten to that point had I not been willing to get out of my comfort zone. And not just once, but repeatedly.
In addition to the physical discomfort, there are other common consequences and signs of social anxiety that don’t get a lot of attention. I’ve decided to list some of them here:
(1) Planning in advance for convos, phone calls, & presentations
As I mentioned above, when I first started giving presentations, I would prepare to the point of memorizing every word that I was going to say. In addition to this being very time-consuming, I’m pretty sure others could tell I was merely reciting a memorized script. There wasn’t any room left for being spontaneous or reacting to the moment. When something unexpected would come up, it would amp up my anxiety all the more.
For some of my clients, this kind of preparation isn’t limited to just presentations. Rather, they tell me about making painstaking efforts to have topics of conversation in mind before approaching any social situation, including calling someone on the phone. In fact, many of my clients who struggle with social anxiety avoid phone calls altogether and stick to text messaging as much as possible. This leads to the next consequence…
(2) Limited social networks and romantic relationships
When it comes to building strong relationships with others, whether it’s friendship or romance, two of the factors that best predict success are pretty simple: proximity and time spent together. Simply put, platonic and romantic relationships blossom when we’re around the same people a lot. This can of course is a very intimidating proposition for those who are socially anxious. When it’s physically exhausting to be around others, a natural tendency is to begin avoiding social interaction more and more. Unfortunately, over time, this can lead to a pretty narrow comfort zone and limited engagement with people. This can be very damaging emotionally, as psychologists in Ohio are pretty certain that social support is possibly the single strongest predictor of happiness and well-being.
It’s also unusual for those showing signs of social anxiety to initiate many social plans with others. Instead, they typically wait for their friends to make the first move. This certainly makes it difficult to be around the same people a lot. Moreover, it could inadvertently give off the wrong impression, namely that they aren’t interested in hanging out. The good news is that the more we’re around others, the more comfortable we are with them. And the more we’re around them, the more shared experiences we will have together, making natural conversation that much easier, too.
(3) Passing up professional opportunities and lacking a voice in the workplace
A common strength of introverts is that, generally, they’re more observant people. Perhaps this trait, along with the fear of negative evaluation that comes with social anxiety, leads many socially anxious individuals to perform quite well with certain job duties. However, an unforeseen challenge that often arises is, believe it or not, having success! And by that, I mean that, as socially anxious individuals perform well in their jobs, they are then often presented with new opportunities, including promotions. While higher-paying, these promotions might entail more responsibility, including overseeing the work of others and being placed in positions of leadership. Again, given the daunting nature of this proposition, and a tendency to avoid uncomfortable situations, those with signs of social anxiety frequently pass up such opportunities, instead opting to stay within their comfort zone, accepting lower pay and professional stagnation.
In the workplace, having a voice appears to matter and professional opportunities are based on your ability to speak up…
In modern workplace culture, particularly cultures that place value on having frequent meetings, there can be a lot of pressure to voice a unique perspective or opinion. Depending on the culture, it might be perceived by others as a limitation if a worker isn’t saying much in meetings. This can lead to a dynamic in which workers are trying to “elbow their way” into the conversation and speak just to speak. Not a comfortable dynamic for socially anxious people to navigate! As a result, workplace decisions may be reached without their input, and their overall presence in the culture may be limited.
(4) Post-conversation dissection and rumination
One reason anxious individuals avoid social situations is fear of what their own minds might do to them afterward! Following a social gathering, particularly one in which the individual has put themselves “out there” more, social anxiety can make one dissect, pull apart, and overanalyze each aspect of the interaction. (And even if one stays mostly quiet, this too can present a lot of worries!) Rather than being objective and fair to oneself, a socially anxious person often examines social situations through a lens of anxiety that distorts their thoughts and perceptions. They may cringe as they think back to comments that they made. Or, they may take the slightest change in another’s facial expression to mean that they’ve offended them, or that this person is passing judgment. They may (falsely) assume that others could tell they were anxious, or now view them as weird. It’s not uncommon for this type of internal experience to lead socially anxious people to regret doing exactly what they need to do to move past social anxiety…removing themselves from their comfort zones!
And then…
What typically follows is what psychologists call rumination, also known as stewing or brooding. That is, playing the same content in your mind over and over again, going nowhere new with it. Often rumination presents a false hope: that by dedicating enough mental bandwidth to a situation, we are eventually going to have an important epiphany that brings us relief and peace. Instead, what almost inevitably happens is that we sink farther and farther into a state of anxiety or depression. Put another way, social anxiety can hurt the quality of life before, during, and after social situations. Often when my clients overcome their signs of social anxiety, they remark on how much time they’ve been given back…time that before was being spent on overplanning before social interactions and ruminating afterward! Modalities like CBT for social anxiety in Cincinnati, OH can help with these patterns.
(5) People don’t know the real you
Obviously just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they’re lacking at all in personality. Shy or socially anxious people of course have interests, opinions, and preferences just like anyone else. The only difference is that social anxiety often keeps these things hidden. Similarly, anxiety keeps people from being as humorous or animated as they might otherwise be, and it keeps them from disclosing as much about themselves. The collective result is that those in the company of socially anxious individuals might not get an opportunity to know them all that well.
This is very frustrating for my socially anxious clients, too. Nobody wants to be mistaken as standoffish or disinterested when, in fact, the exact opposite is true. Also, when stressful or difficult things happen in life, others might not know what’s taken place unless they're told. Keeping too many cards “close to the vest” can deprive those with social anxiety from getting the support they otherwise would receive if they were more disclosing.
CBT for Social Anxiety in Cinncinati, OH Can Help You Overcome!
The good news is that social anxiety is absolutely treatable. In addition to certain types of medication being helpful, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is a very effective treatment for it. This therapy works through several mechanisms of change: increasing self-awareness, identifying cognitive distortions and correcting negative thoughts, and repeatedly getting out of one’s comfort zone using exposure therapy. The last part of this, exposure, is considered the “meat and potatoes” of CBT for social anxiety. In a nutshell, it involves facing feared situations repeatedly until they’re no longer daunting. Naturally, it’s your anxiety therapist’s job to help you ease into this process and remain motivated throughout it.
Online Therapy in Ohio Goes at A Pace That Makes Sense for You!
Thankfully, this process can happen at whatever pace feels right for you. A cognitive-behavioral therapist is trained to meet you where you are and begin by getting you somewhat out of your comfort zone without overwhelming you. Gradually and systematically, they will “up the ante.” For instance, as I often tell my clients, if you had a phobia of dogs and wanted to try exposure, we probably wouldn’t start with Doberman pinchers. Rather, we’d be hanging out with the Shih Tzus and poodles for a bit first. Then maybe the beagles and schnauzers, and so forth.
Over time, You Can Begin to Integrate Back into Your Life with CBT for Social Anxiety!
Slowly but steadily CBT for social anxiety in Cinncinati, OH empowers you to “take background” that avoidance has stolen away. Suddenly, more and more social situations feel easier to enter into. Even making small-talk (a situation that is absolutely dreaded by so many with social anxiety) becomes a lot more natural. (By the way, some added coaching for doing just this is often woven into CBT.) And as new habits develop and are maintained, social circles expand, relationships develop, promotions are accepted, and confidence increases. Sometimes some truly unexpected benefits result. I once had a former client, who I treated for social anxiety, tell me that they performed a life-saving medical intervention on a stranger, then afterward they doubted whether they would have done so had they worked past their anxiety beforehand.
How long does it take to change behavior with CBT for Anxiety?
This is a common question I get in anxiety treatment in Ohio and I get it! It’s hard to believe that such change is even possible, particularly when you’ve been seen as shy for most, if not all, of your life. Well, honestly, that will depend on you and how often you want to hang with the Shih Tzus before graduating up to the schnauzers and Pitbulls. Like I say, this can go at whatever pace feels right. That said, it will be your online therapist’s job to join forces against avoidant urges and consistently give you nudges back out of that comfort zone!
Regardless of whether it takes weeks or months to reach your particular goals, I can promise you this: it will feel a lot better to be moving in a positive direction than it does not move at all. And it doesn’t take long at all to begin noticing positive changes.
So, even if you’re not sure whether you’re completely ready to begin exposure work, I still invite you to schedule a free consultation with me. I would love to talk about strategies that might begin to make a difference for you!
Try CBT for Social Anxiety in Cinncinati, OH Today!
If you’re realizing you’re not living fully, you’re fearful, or avoiding certain areas of your life, it’s time to get support. CBT for social anxiety can empower you to live fully again. I am here to help as your online therapist. I can support you with anxiety, depression, relationships, grief, trauma, and more. When you’re ready to get started at Ascend Psychological Services in Cinncinati, OH, follow these simple steps:
Meet with your skilled and caring anxiety therapist in Cincinnati, OH
Stop avoiding and start living!
Other Services at Ascend Psychological Services
If you need additional support, I offer many additional services that can help you alongside CBT for social anxiety. On top of offering support for depression, insomnia, grief, anxiety, psychological assessments, couples, PTSD treatment, and trauma therapy, I offer many treatment approaches to support you. Treatment modalities that, I offer to include CBT therapy, prolonged exposure, written exposure therapy, accelerated resolution therapy, cognitive processing therapy, and person-centered approaches among many more. When you’re ready to begin services, I am here to support you.